Nursing homes

There's nothing sadder in my life right now than my two or three weekly visits to the nursing home. Helpless old people - mostly women - totally dependent on strangers for their basic needs.

You might ask why I don't pull my 90 year old mom out of there. I sometimes ask myself the same thing. But I must work as the main breadwinner of my own family and there's no way around that. 

Because my reading is often about gulags and such, I'm starting to see signs of the gulag mentality everywhere - especially at work - but that's another story.  At the nursing home it's all about the 'system'. The staff are very good at following the rules. They are the 'guards' - making sure that the system works. Patients must be washed, dressed and at the breakfast/lunch/dinner table so that they can be fed. The food is nutritional - if boring. They will not starve to death - like in a gulag - but that doesn't mean that they will enjoy their meals, either.

The biggest change I see in my mom - and I'm not blaming 'the system' here, is in the lack of awareness of the outside world. It's an artificial environment - not too hot, not too cold - always the same. The days of the week lose meaning and the daytime hours are focused around the bland meals. Partly this is because as we age - like children - we do become more self-centered, less interested in the the world. Getting down the hallways with the walker or the wheelchair is the big event of the day.

Death is not discussed and it's only visible when a bed is stripped and a room is declared vacant - ready for the next old person. 

But there are beautiful moments, too. There's a couple of cats that wander at will - they are prized glimpses of freedom. Then there's the old people who are capable of humor, of flirting even. They're like fresh breezes in a stale place where memory, pain and death are private.

Then there's the staff. Some dare to do more than just their job. Their personalities shine and my mom - for one - latches on to their humanity. A caregiver with a smile and an ear that really listens is the rainbow in this weatherless place.

Nursing homes - so full of people - can be the loneliest places on earth. And maybe they aren't like gulags at all - they're like nursery schools. And the old people - like children - would all benefit more from one-on-one.  Don't we all thrive with a little bit of attention?

Margarete Buber-Neumann

Hurrah! I have a book launch date set up with McNally Robinson - the best bookstore in the world. My dream is starting to feel more real - and guess what? - I'm becoming totally frightened. Where can I hide?

Although my release date is October 20th - I put the launch date for November 18th - just in case there're issues with the border or whatever. So it's three months. Have I mentioned that I'm scared? Does the world really need another book? 

But then, this book isn't just a figment of my imagination. This is a promise fulfilled - this is a girl's story that needs to be told. (I must remind myself of that.)

Speaking of books based on history - I just finished reading a most intense memoir by Margarete Buber-Neumann.  Her book, Under Two Dictators - Prisoner of Stalin and Hitler - was first published in 1949 (She passed away in 1989.)  This woman - this author - was simply an incredibly strong, kind and intelligent person. Her story is so well told and so enlightening.I highly recommend it.

Anne Laurel Carter

The current CANSCAIP News Issue - Summer, 2009 did a feature interview with Anne Laurel Carter. Her most recent book is The Shepherd's Granddaughter. The article was an insightful profile of an author who has worked very hard to achieve success.

I'd like to quote her. The quote refers to her subject matters and why she writes: "(about)...people who are silenced, the story not told, stories that have been appropriated by people in power. We cannot move on in history unless a story is told honestly."

I must read her books.

Finding my inner dog

Got to go camping - just me, myself and I - and the dog. You see, the weather was cold, windy and wet and the kids, well, the kids are past doing what Mama wants. But the dog, he's totally into hiking, beach combing,  and eating outdoors. A few mosquitoes never scared him off.  We went out to one of my favorite spots at Hecla Island - on the big Lake Winnipeg. It was superb. I shall definitely make this a summer ritual. Just me, the dog, my laptop, and some books. Life can't get much better. 

Read Malcolm Gladwell's The Outliers. Interesting read. 

1945 rapings

The other day CBC radio had a documentary on the rapes of about 2 million women (and children) at the end of the war in 1945. As German women they were considered the Red Army's reward for defeating the Nazis. This topic is not mentioned a lot, for obvious reasons. But rape has continued to be a war 'tool' and so now for the purposes of research, these old women have been interviewed. How does sexual brutality affect a woman throughout the rest of her life?

My mom was already in her 20s when the Russian troops descended on the German civilians in East Prussia. Because she'd been raised in the Soviet Union, she knew their language and was protected by an officer who used her as a translator. Her two sisters weren't so lucky. One never had her own children. The other told me of how they would hide in the outhouse in the evenings when the booze flowed.

My mother also told me that venereal disease spread like crazy and that by the time she was shipped via freight car to work in the Ural coalmines, the Soviet soldiers had had enough of raping. 

Which then brought her to another topic ... food. What did she eat in the Soviet prison camp? I'll save that for another post. 

presentationzen

Finally finished reading one of my Mother's Day gifts.  Presentationzen by Garr Reynolds  is a book about using Powerpoint. If you click the link you'll go to his blog which is full of more presentation wisdom. It's helped me understand the creative potential in doing a presentation. (Afterall, I'd love to share my research from writing my book.) 

Reading this book has shown me that simple is way stronger than complicated and while it's not directed at presenting to children, I'm sure children would be even more appreciative of simple. There's this mistaken belief that simple is ... well ... simple.  But let me borrow a quote from the book that's by Leonardo da Vinci.  "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

So I'm going to go back over the powerpoint I've prepared and will focus on keeping it simple.  

Marilyn French

I'm a bit behind - maybe it's because I love history -  always stuck in the past. By the time I catch up on my newspaper reading the events are no longer current - but history, too.

So it is that I just learned of the passing of one of my all time favorite writers - Marilyn French. She died May 2nd of this year.  I'd never read anything like her back in my twenties. She was so daring! My close friends and I shared "The Women's Room" - underlining and exclamation-marking certain passages. She was so astute - in our naive, young opinions - about relationships between men and women. I'll have to reread that book from my now more 'mature' perch.

It was much more recently that I found a copy of "Her Mother's Daughter" in a second hand store. I loved that book and again realized the power of writing. She just has so much depth and insight and even though I sometimes don't agree with what she says - I still love the way she says it.

Marilyn French - thank you - and rest in peace. Your words will live on in my life.

p.s. And .... she has a novel coming out this fall!